Kissing on that bridge....



walking Ruby Blue



Our Family

(see below for more interesting descriptions)

Yes, we like to kiss on the bridge between Indiana & Kentucky ALL the time....



Just a couple of cool cats walking their puppy at the Falls of the Ohio...OH there's a camera following us? We had no idea....



The Fam.....
Our 5 month old Yorkie Poo, Ruby Blue....she weighs 8 lbs....she weighed 3.5 lbs in August....

I've been thinking about anger a lot lately. Especially the things people say when they are angry and how they are interpreted, and intended.

One phrase in particular: How could you do that to me after everything I've done for you. My personal feeling is that we stop listening, or really, caring about whatever hurt (real or imagined) has occurred when we hear after everything I've done for you. I could write a whole post on that, but I digress. I know that sometimes the words are intended, just as said... but not always. I have a lot of experience at watching these words being hurled back and forth. And have been subjected to them a time or two myself. I have to believe that there is a better way to communicate these feelings more effectively and maybe accomplish forgiveness, healing & growth as opposed to raging anger and hurt feelings.

From watching the emotions in and on the person "saying" these words and trying to look beyond the WORDS themselves, here are a few interpretations:

Why did you break my heart like that?
Why did you disappoint me?
Why haven't you lived up to my expectations?
How could you not meet my unrealized expectations?
How could you not know me?
Why don't you love me?
You hurt me.
You hurt me and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't understand your actions.
I'm confused and scared.
I'm angry and lashing out at you because you won't leave me.

of course, there is always: How could you do that to me after everything I've done for you?

I don't really have the energy to write everything that's been going on right now. I'm not sure I will. Though I write in my journal in my head all the time.

I've been having a thought about prayer lately. It's come to me over time, from things my Christian friends have said to me both here and in person and from listening to the radio...all different ways. I've always felt that I was a very prayerful person. Honestly, I still feel that way, though I think I'm beeing called to a different kind, or maybe level or prayer. I purposely pray and I pray out of habit and I talk to God all the time. I don't talk about it too much, unless it's to offer prayer. But Lately I've been thinking about praying on your knees, something I don't do a lot of. But I just always thought that the way I did it was great. I can talk to God in the car for crying out loud! I still think that's good. But, I've been wondering if the reason that people are called to get down on their knees, might have something to do with ... I can't think of the word I want to use, maybe...honor? I don't know. But it's been seeming to me more and more that to make the effort to be alone before God, with no distractions and get down might be something of a devine design, rather than something that Biblical scholars talk about being Holy. Just a thought.

This song, is what has been playing in my head over and over the last few days as we battle against some familial demons and live in this crazy world. I had the tape when I was a teenager and would listen to it over and over again. Interesting how some themes stay current for more than 20 years. I have to see if I can find it somewhere on cd

Within My Reach (Scott Roley, John Thompson)

We agree that love should be
The purpose of the earth
The way you love your neighbor
Is a measure of your worth

Can you hear a baby if she cries out in the ghetto
And if you do is she within your reach

Beating swords to plowshares
Is the hope for all good men
No matter what their government
Their race their creed their land

When you count the warheads we have pointed at each other
How do we place peace within our reach

Lord I must stand against the madness
Knowing in my weakness you will be made strong
Through a simple serving spirit of gladness
Help me Jesus stand against the wrong

And even as you have touched me
I will touch the ones you place within my reach

Loving one another
Is the way to heal the hurt
Spending time with you Lord
Is the only way love works

I can see the old men who are drowning in their bottles
I can feel the heartache of the lonely and the troubled
I can see the children being murdered in their mothers

Lord I must stand against the madness
Knowing in my weakness you will be made strong
Through a simple serving spirit of gladness
Help me Jesus stand against the wrong

And even as you have touched me
I will touch the ones you place within my reach

That was Then:


November 04

This is Now:


January 09

Book Meme

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSE

From the Indiana Driver's Manual:

Pedestrian Safety: Pedestrians, walking along a roadway that does not have a sidewalk, should walk facing the oncoming traffic. When walking along a highway at night or under darkened conditions, pedestrians should wear light colored clothing or carry something that will reflect light.

Driving in Certain Weather Conditions
Winter Driving: Driving in winter weather presents a number of dangers due to ice, snow and very cold temperatures. Always clear windows before driving

clearly I have a problem. I hope we are not about to be attacked by aliens

7/29/03
Brit and Becky


12/25/08
Brit



10/20/08 (really wanted to post the pic from school, but can't find it)

see last post for this trip down memory lane)

I used to be able to write what I wanted to say. I used to be able to write it in my head, then come here and BAM, done. These days, not so much. And what I want to say tonight, is so jumbled up. I have sentences here and there that make sense in my head, but no paragraphs.

I always thought that country singers wrote the best songs about parenthood. And Christian artists. I know I'm not a parent, but I know a lot about it, I won't justify myself, I just do. Every time I hear a song about little girls, I think of Dave and Renee and Becky. I've been making a playlist in my head for years. Today, driving home from work, I heard a song called It Won't Be Like This For Long (surprisingly, by Darius Rucker) and I fell immediately in love with it. Of course my thoughts went to baby Becky, to those Tuesday nights when she was an infant and I would sleep over with Renee and we would watch CSI. To her silliness, her funny faces, her special hugs and kisses and unconditional love. How much fun watching her grow up has been. How heartbreaking. How Renee would let me put her to bed when I was over, how I would steal extra time rocking her, and one time, I cheated and let her sleep on my chest for her whole nap even though I tattled on myself. I knew it wouldn't be that way for long. Her last day in the crib. Then I thought of Madeline and her intense little gaze. Her quiet concentration while she sizes up the situation, her joyful abandon just like her big sister.

Before I knew it, I was thinking of Brittany Rae. And I was crying. I didn't even know it. I used to love how she would say "I'll hold her" when she wanted us to pick her up. She heard us all saying "I'll hold her!!!", So, that's what she thought she should say. It felt like just yesterday that she was 3 years old, at my house, and she wouldn't sleep and the pediatrician said to give her some childrens benedryl. Then she stayed up for 3 days in a row. Chris and I had to take turns sleeping, so she wouldn't be up alone. And when Chris and I took her to Padre Island for a week with his family, and she played on the beach all week. I love looking at those pictures. I know that it was just yesterday that she came to visit me in Vermont, we spent 10 days playing cards and swimming, and painting our nails. We rode the gondola up Mount Mansfield, she hated my boyfriend and my boss paid her to help me with my filing, she told me that she wanted to be anything except for what I was, a Benefits Administrator. She got to hold Becky hours after she was born. I sat in the airport for 2 hours and cried after Brittany left.

But it wasn't just yesterday. I've lost 3 babies since Brittany was born and divorced her Uncle Chris. I've welcomed 4 nephews and another niece into my life. I've had my heart broken since Becky was born, and she's welcomed a brother and a sister; and I
I've gotten re-married. And in the last few month's, I've gone with Becky's daddy to drop her off at SCHOOL. Brittany has gotten a tatoo designed by her father and gotten her own apartment. She works two jobs. Her daddy died in a motorcycle accident. Becky has lost two teeth.

Aunt Boo can't stop crying. But don't worry, It won't be like this for long

I'm Feeling: contemplative

Bruce says that living with me, he often feels like he is in the movie Signs
I don't know what he's talking about



Whoa, I need to refinish my bedside table (grandma's sewing machine cabinet)and clean too...



See, he smiles! And even laughs, though it's usually when he is doing something evil..like tickling me. I got him back by snapping a photo while trying to defend myself with our Macedonian blanket.

and Happy New Year :)
(much to post...the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. please know that I am still praying, even if I am behind on posting)
Love, me

are prayers for
Von, and Lisa and Jason and Sophie, Elle and Vienna

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

Happy Birthday Jesus




clearly, scanning is not one of my gifts.

Today was our Christmas party at Kosair. I think it went pretty well. We didn't have as many kids (actual patients) come through as last year, but we had a lot more support and help from teams at church. Also, this year, the Child life specialist and the nurses brought the kids (and their families if they were there) down floor by floor, starting with Oncology. Because so many children were isolated or unable to leave their rooms, we had a team of carolers this year who went upstairs and caroled and left little gifts.

I got to visit with Santa myself. I told him that I wanted peace on earth, to pay my bills, and of course, a new orphan, for Hope


someone has to keep Santa in line

one of the girls from the college ministry painted my face!


one of the most precious moments of the day was towards the end. A little girl in a wheelchair (Not a hospital one) wheeled herself in all bundled up in her pink coat, hat and mittens. She made a beeline straight for Santa, and was just overjoyed to see him. The conversation went something like this.
her "SANTA!"
him "HO HO HO"
someone "do you want to get your picture taken with Santa?"
her "NO" never taking her eyes off of Santa, "Santa, I haven't seen you in SO long"
At that point he got down on his knee to talk to her
her "can I have a hug Santa?"
She hung out with him for a minute, they did take her picture and she asked for about a hundred hugs, then told him she'd see him on the 24th. Her mom wheeled her out toot sweet. I guess they were at the end of a long stay. She didn't make any crafts or ice any cookies or get any presents, she never took off her hat or mittens, but she saw Santa and she was thrilled.

( It's ok to be a little bit proud...right? )

I wouldn't even have posted this, except it put my mom in a raspberry tree... and that's her nickname. Raspberry, not raspberry tree...

I'm still waiting on some pictures from the wedding, but my sister Katie took this with her phone. It's out of focus and small, but I love it.




I often feel out of focus and small, maybe that's why I love it.

The other night I came home from work at a little after midnight. Bruce's work had shut down early due to possible thunderstorms (can't really be sitting 75 feet off the ground in a big crane if it's super windy and lightning is threatening). Anyway, he was starting a new painting and watching The Passion of Christ.

I was so tired, I just wanted to curl up in bed with a book and pass out. But...I knew that he wouldn't be reading the subtitles in succession, so I curled up next to him and watched him paint and watched the movie. I read him the subtitles as un-obnoxiously as I could, in the pertinant places where he was looking at the painting and I felt like just seeing the "picture" of the movie was not sufficient to get the message.

I was telling him the part about "no greater love has no one than he lay down his life for his friends" and I said to Bruce, 'talk about a hero'. I know I've said it before (like many before me) and I mentioned it when I talked about how spiritual I thought that the latest Batman was...but people are so desperate for hero's, for someone to stand in the gap, and so unwilling to recognize the original hero. It's so heartbreaking. Then I was thinking about how horrible it was to watch what was done to Jesus, I mean, heartbreaking...and people aren't willing to put themselves through the emotion of the realness of that, but they will watch horror for fun. It's strange.

just thoughts.